Monday, November 14, 2005

I'd tap it.

My future plans include buying a PS3 and going to college for journalism, so I better you know, journal about the news. Good practice, yes?

-----imaginary line of seperation------

People are regularly dying of cancer and AIDS, gas prices are mountains instead of hills and troops are getting killed in Iraq. Cheer up! The Turbo Tap is available in a stores everywhere.

The Turbo Tap is a beer dispensor that is well...turbo. Only found in fancy bars and stadiums (until now!), this tap shoots out lager faster than your average pressurized automatic liquid pourer. Critically acclaimed for both shorting lines and drowning alchoholics, the Turbo Tap is the biggest thing in beer-serving since wodden mugs.

The home version of the Turbo Tap will be similar to the bar variety, minus some of the quality and size. Plus you can only the Turbo Tap if you have a special refigerator with a keg insert, unique draft beer coolers or a fully-functional bar in your basement, complete with a cooky cast of regulars.

Sadly, nobody knows my name. Posted by Picasa

The Home Turbo Tap will retail for $179 for the regular model or $209 for a stand-alone tower version. This is compaired to the ones found in the bar/stadiums/stadibars, which cost you 99 smackers and maintenance fees. With this kind of money you can buy:

-8.94477 cases of Budweiser (214.90745 cans)
-Nintendo game cube with enough left over for a Tara Reid blowjob
-Wilson PD5 Performance 400CC Driver

Unless you hate golf, video games, oral sex or beer, the Turbo Tap isn't for you. If you must have one, but cannot seem to find the means of affording it, here is a handy alternative:

Haha, alcholism isn't funny. Posted by Picasa

South Park is going to sue my ass,
Brettzki on the 14th day of the 11th Month in the 2004th year after Christ.

1 Comments:

Blogger Manda said...

Boo Lois, yay beer.

9:12 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home