The most extreme extreme ever...

Being lazy could possibly be one of the easiest things in world. That's common knowledge, for everyone in the entire world has skipped a few workouts or spent a few unnecessarily long periods with their behinds engulfed by the comforting cushiness of their favorite respective recliners. It's easy to blame myself for the lack of updates, so I will. Good job, loser.

Things that Distract Brett

Number 1: Yahoo Literati

Admit it, you have at least one silly online game passion/addiction/vital activity (see: breathing) and you spend hours a week playing it, each minute adding to your procrastination vault that's most likely already several notches passed maximum capacity. The actualy plaything itself varies from person to person; some choose (or get choosen by) online multiplayer options or terribly simple defaults such as Pinball or Minesweeper. For me, it's Literari, Yahoo's Not-Scrabble Scrabble game that's exactly like Hasbro's wordy board blockbuster with moderately altered rules.

I think of it like this: it's a word game, right? So by ignoring the Blog and all my future dreams so I have more time to perfect the 7-letter, 3-word (times 3 bonus) combo, my vocabulary and confidence grow just like 50 Cent's street cred for everytime he got a psuedo-mortally wounded by a gun shot. Seriously, do you think he'd be as successful if he didn't get the shit blasted out of him by a nine-wielding rival gangsta gangsta? Fiddy should thank his would-be murderer for making him a rap 'superstar' rather than another face in the ghetto clouds.

Number 2: Mario Speed Runs

Ever since viewing Mike Fireball (of Progressive Boink fame)'s 5.5 minute domination of SMB, I've been obsessed with copying the feat for the purpose of winning my friends' hands in marriage/video game partnership. Approximately 6 hours and 45,289 dead Italian plumbers later, I've mastered the first four out of the eight required levels, although world 8 has proven itself as the highest level of them all...because y'know...it's level 8 and 8>(1-7).

This leads me to another point: I'm out of points. Oh yeah, got one. Mike Fireball is excellent and he represents almost everything I hope one day to be.

Number 3: Reel Big Fish

Chances are you know this very famous OC-based ska band from their involvement in Matt Stone/Trey Parker'sBaseketball or possibly you just have good tastes in music. Either way, they rock (for realz, y'all) and have a unique sound, even for the genre, all while entertaining audiences with quirky acts of being awesome.

You may be puzzled on why a music group can advert my attention from productive production, and I won't short you a solution. Heck, you'll get two and you'll like it.

A)It's not rare to see adolescent boys try and get a gaggle of peers together in an attempt at forming a band. However, only a small fraction of these exertions make it even remotely big and some just down right suck.

In short: I've foolishly pursued some of my own 'dreams' and am not 1/92nd of the way there from being part of a 'ska band.' Sorry about all this

B)Rabble rabble rabble.

Number 4: Katie Cleary

 
/drool

Number 5: Looking for Nerf Guns on eBay

 
/drool

Sadly enough, neither of those are realistic by any means.

Thank God it's June 22nd,
Brett skies.

A slight inclination in shit...

Um, hi. This is moderately awkward; it's like seeing a friend you haven't seen because you've made no effort to visit whatsoever and randomly bumping into him/her in your grocer's freezer.

Brett: Hey...blog.

Blog: Brett. Good to see you.

Brett: So...how's it going?

Blog:

 

My period of inactivity, in terms of blogging and basically life, has spanned longer that I initially planned on, due to an overflow of laziness and an underflow of everything else. Some notable things, however, happened:

-Nerfing is now my #2 hobby, jumping 437 positions in a matter of microhours

-I've been involved in both a school musical AND a hit reality TV show in which the requirements for involve slicing pandas while yoddling

*REALIZATION*---> Me=14-year-old girl

That's about it. No new articles, no fresh comics, no Asian porn, yes nothing. There is one thing I still retain, though: penloads of ideas.

Seriously, I got those, and in favorable quantities, too. But, with every good streak of imagination, it's inevitably certain that really fucking stupid ideas come along for the ride. I've began a large sum of articles just to delete them before they had the chance to gasp for e-air, such as...

(for those of you who don't like me...these are articles I never finished, along with comedic tries that correspond with them)

The Warriors Movie/Book review
The Warriors is an adventurous tale of a misplaced gang trying to bop their way passed rival hoodlums in order to return home to Coney Island. It's a very, very basic story in some aspects (Point A--->Point B!), but includes enough buried depth that one can shovel off for amusement. It was originally a 200-page novel by Sol Yurick, but Walter Hill took it upon himself to put the story on film in 1979. The movie became a cult...ahem...non-offical religion classic as its action-saturated uniqueness attracts a large variety of fans.

 
Besides from the same skeleton story, the book and motion picture are almost 1/3 of a league apart. The endings are about as similar as Gary Coleman and Dirk Nowitzki, yet both are well-done and entertaining enough to, well, write 2 paragraphs about. The sure lack of similarity forced me to begin writing a full-length movie report with little bits of color-coded differences thrown in there.
Reasons for the Nay-say
It took me that long for a extremely simple summary of the differences, the article wasn't even a quarter done at a page's worth, I pulled out the "zomg BANDWIDTH" card and ran the other direction.

F*ck You, Capitalism
Bitterly unemployed and empty-pocketed, early May was a time of complete frustration and jealousy as my search for a summer job kept being unsuccessful to the fullest extend. Even today, I have no place to earn any sort of wage (job) because I'm stubborn and misunderstood.

I was really, really pissed off with the whole ordeal and decided to blame not myself, but the American economic system, for being too user-unfriendly. There was much bashing in the short life of the article, much of it was unreasonable as a result of haste and 3 hours of sleep and I dunno, a dead mongoose. My paragraphs, as strangely brutal as they were, tried to compare capitalism to other systems, such as communism and socialism because we all know those work much better.
Reasons for the Nay-Say
Um. Yeah. It wouldn't be that intelligent of me actually use my freedom of speech.

10 Reasons to Pee on Modern Pop Music
There isn't much to this...it's just me, with insults built filling up my ass, doing my part to educate the world of how crappy, untalented and drab the likes of Ashlee Simpson, Kelly Clarkson, D4L and all the other cut-of-the-mold "stars" really are.
Here is a memorable would-be quote:

"...and Ashlee Simpson is just one more reminder of how good looks will always overshadow musical ability. Give me an ugly girl who can actually sing and compose anyday and keep the pretty and untalented faces in the movies, right where they belong."

Reasons for the Nay-Say
Meh, playing Nintendo seemed much more interesting at the time.

There you have it, just don't abuse it.

The milk is blue,
bRETTZKI wARX

Hey guys!

After my leave of absense or whatever the fuck you call it, I've changed my ways. No longer do my future aspirations involve writing, and this video will give you hint of my new dream/job.

Can YOU decipher the code?