Saturday, July 29, 2006

Stretched compression...

An update on updates! But what's next, a pamphlet on pamphlets? A game about making games?

Think back, like 3 months in the direction opposite of forward, and you may recall my giddy awaiting of a little RPG called Kingdom Hearts II, which I briefly discussed in a blog post, not unlike this one! Dammit, something's missing.

A Brief Recalling/Review of Kingdom Hearts II?
Sequels in the film industry are like eating a sandwhich and really enjoying it, but then deciding that including some other toppings (tomatoes, sprouts, hair, whathaveyou) will increase the taste even more, only to discover that your additions are more like subtractions of the overall quality. Directors, writers, and the whole gang of moviemakers try too hard to outdo the original and end up with a large, sloppy BLT of subparness. Meanwhile in Gotham City, video game creators are more likely to earn sucess with their second installments of their respective projects, due to increased technological benefits and a budget big enough to make A-Rod play for the Mariners again.

Square Enix impressed me yet again with part II of their Disney/Final Fantasy/Buffy crossover of fun. Some gaming sites gave KH2 shitty ratings and cried 'It's too easy!' Apparently, these people have never had to amuse themselves by finding new ways to play the game and thusly challenging themselves. Heck, this is the blog of the Self-Challenge King or at least Bishop. In NFL Blitz for the PC, I can still open the game window, start a new match, select the Green Bay Packers, and run 'Da Bomb' for a touchdown, all with my eyes closed. Does anybody care? You choice is yours.

Kingdom Hearts 2 replaces all of the original's flaws and out-of-datedness with a lengthy, nostalgic and action-packed experience with a shiny paint job. My highest recommendation, foo's.

*Notable cool things*
1. Tron! Lion King! That Old Talkie with the Cow! (or: cool new levels)
2. Frustrating jumps are no longer! (also: improved controls)
3. 1000 Heartless vs. You! (possibly: amazing boss fights and gameplay instances)
4. OMG Kairi is hottt!!1 (translation: sharper graphics and surreal enviroments)

*Things I wasn't going to tell you about*
1. The Disney worlds don't fit very well into the overall scheme of the story
2. George Bush doesn't care about Japanese haircuts.

Hey Brett, how's the band coming along?
Shit, you were supposed to forget about that.

Look, a distraction link!
(Note: Neither of the members of the duet are me, myself or I)

Undoubtedly, I'm not the first kid who's had aspirations to rock out in front of the town he despiritely wants to make a name in, or at least be apart of something other than a class list. To be honest, drawing attention to myself is why this site exists. The chance to stand out is my muse, but then again, how common is that? Common like a Ponyta card. Shit, I must've had 8 of those.

See what you've done? Now, here's the portion of the blog where you read a quick survey-like question and reply by commenting:

If you could chance the outcome of one event in history (don't worry about time travelish consequences), what would YOU alter, and why?

Just because it's possible,
The B-Flat Brettzki

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Applicant may be subject to Brontosaurus...

Humility is often the dessert that follows the entree of disappointment in a glaze of defeat, garnished with shattered expectations and served on the finest China overconfidence can buy. Speaking of which, my stomach is demanding food, I'm not one to disobey my digestive system's vital organs.

Doing my part to help those with Calender Defeiciency: it's July 11. An earth week after America's Independence day, often used as a halfway checkpoint of the beloved season of fun and ice cream (aka summer). Like most, I made a mental to-do-list of tasks to accomplish in the three month vacation from ghastly confines of high school. Actually, no. Grades 9 through 12 aren't really bad by any means, and everyone who looks at them as being a slave 3/4 of the year needs a all-expenses-paid trip to Cambodia or the Arctic Ocean.

(this next section is written by guest writer and vocalist and space cowboy, Lance Bass)

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Anyways, after Brett veered off his paragraphical race track, he found his way back thanks to a friendly turtle fisherman that rode on an apparently dense cloud. Our favorite Minnesota-based 17-year-old smartass was then beaten to unconsciousness by Evander Holyfield, who for the record has nothing against Brett at all, the kid just happened to be in a very unfortuante spot at a likewise unlucky period of time.

Before blacking out from the massive left hook, Brett left sloppily mumbled these words:

"Ouch, that really hurt. That will teach me to be more efficient while writing. Say, Lance, can you spot me a blog post?"

He then shat himself and layed his head against a cantelope, on which he slumbered for countless hours.

To be honest, it's of my best interests to keep this entry short, like how MadTV's run should have been, and there's nothing me keeping me from doing so, eh?

Have a nice day,