Monday, March 27, 2006

Keeping me wait...

Video games were a forbidden bliss in my childhood; my parents never allowed my sister nor I to enjoy the interactive media until about 3 years ago, using the "it will rot your brain" and "they make you inactive" cards in the Rummy game of parental guidance. But alas, after an unfortunate computer crash that was evidently cause by an abundance of PC games, my mother and father made a deal that would give me a PS2 (bought with my own money) as long as I only played games that they judged "appropriate" and my playing time never exceeded one hour a day. Of course, these rules were eventually ignored by both me and everyone else that stepped foot in my home. Funny thing is:

*Due to the lack of any professionalism/persistence, our scheduled graph showing how Brett grades and activity rate soared after he became a gamer will not be shown today.*

This series of events transformed the jock-wannabe Brett Warcks into the Brettzki Warx that you remain indifferent about today. Morale of the story? Video games are good for your kids, parents. If you believe an XBox will leave your precious child as a violent sex-maniac, maybe you should reconsider this whole parenting thing.

A) Kids grow up to be violent sex-maniacs no matter what
B) A violent sex-maniac is less of a danger to society than over-controlled kids once they enroll in college

Blagh! Blarghy blarghy blraghity blargh!


A little Tyrannosaurus Sex (T-Sex?) to darken your day. Posted by Picasa

ShutterBucket > Photofly,
Brett, in the Key of Warx

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Brettzki... religiously anticipating...

Kingdom Hearts II. Every person ever has a guilty pleasure, and for me it's causing myself pain, but if it wasn't that, then a video game where you play alongside and against wholesome Disney characters in epic and probably climatic battles (Kingdom Hearts) would be in the #1 spot.

Where else can your childhood friend wield a dangerous golden key? Posted by Picasa

Seriously folks, I was totally normal semi-gamer until my time with Square's hybrid of children entertainment and Japanese RPG's; the aftermath of which left a fanboy waiting to bust of the publicly-acceptable closet. The sequel of this very title arrives in American stores March 28, 2005, after 3 months of racking up sales in the land of the rising sun (capatlize country nicknames at your own discression.) The thought of KH2 gets me excited, even moreso than this picture. KH2 is the second enstallment of the mismatched series, and has improved basically all faults that the inital adventure had, including:

1. Right Analog Stick=Camera (infamously strange lock-on/shoulder button control is gone)
2. Improved jumping (Imagine a leaping fat kid with a seagull up his rectum; now you understand the first half of KH1)
3. Some other things. New topic.

...was surprised by...

March Madness/Mania
or other generic knock-offs that do not require copyrights. Basketball would probably be my favorite mainstream sport, although that's not saying much because it's the March (French for "basketball's month) and I reall didn't notice until a few minutes ago. In a last minute panic-

Brackets. You know, 65 teams, pick the winners, lose cash, etc.

Every year I have one or two (or 35) uneducated selections that makes my special tournament schedule either laughably wrong or right. In years past, hours were spent studying stats and patterns and uniforms and bands and history and hairstyles in an attempt to produce a stellar entry, with no avail besides "What the fuck I know more about basketball than you, how come your bracket is beating mine to a wet and soggy paulp?" But this is two-thousand-six! 15 over a 2? It's happening. Duke losing in the 3rd round? A sure call. Me winning a few bucks off this? Impossible. Next! still messing around with...

Nerf guns
. Just when you thought I was finished with children artilery, a pair of new guns and another possible acquisition bring me crawling back to the foam firearms. Why? Shooting people is funner than killing them.

Woah! Posted by Picasa
This is the N-Strike system whatever the fuck its called. It kicks too much ass, featuring a slick pistol, a air-powered dart shotgun and bitchin' bazooka, all for the nominal fee of $39.99. Got an annoyance? Missles solve all problems, right?

The best part of Nerf is the power that you don't hold in your hands. Even after severe modification, a bizarre occurance when the dart manages to penetrate the esophogus and makes the target choke is the only possible way that you'd be able to end a human's life with one of these toy guns, not that I have that planned out or anything. So you get all of war's benefits without all the dying and such. No topic!

Unfortunate headshot,
Brettzki, the banished mouseketeer

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Everything's gonna be fine...right?

March 5, 2006. To the fortunate, March 5th is another day of toothsome weather or possibly the beginning of springlike conditions. However, to Minnesota and no doubtibly 67% of the midwest, it's a harsh reminder that winter still lingers in drifty conditions and the soul of every broken heart.

Winter sucks. It's novel for about a month or two and then it becomes more tiresome than playing on for 2 hours for the fact that you have nothing else better to do. Sure, there's plenty of fun to be had in the snowy hills and ice driveways. But last time I checked, no other season lasts any longer than 4 months. People say that November and March are spring and fall disrespectively, but they're just lying to you and all they really want is your money.

So I'm complaining (again) about something that has invulnerable power over me and all other related objects; it's nothing abnormal in the least. Entire websites are created for this purpose, and all I'm doing is "venting" because there hasn't been a post in about a month and my magnetic computer chair has a hold of my iron butt. Just as long as my rear has opposite charge, Jack High Fl...Blog will continue with mildly-distracting essays that may be confused with ballads.

I wish I could talk
Then ev'ryone could hear me
No more frustration
No more anger or self-doubt
Just audible words.

There is no other castle,